Omens

I might come off as a put together person off first glance but I have so much whimsy in me it’s really surprising I get anything done.

I believe in omens. I truly do.

I don’t actively watch for them, just to clarify.

It’s just that when things happen far too coincidentally, I can’t help believe it means something.

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On Identity and Insecurities

 

In case you missed it, I have certain reservations about my writing and that’s because I’m no expert at anything and that fact steeps me in so much insecurity, I’d but almost given this(typing) up. I also have little readership that will be significantly affected if I stop writing but it would’ve given me some other fact to be insecure about- that I failed at blogging (but at least I tried, right? Wrong.).

Okay, my preliminary insecurities aside so that you can’t call me out later on, what about other people?

I just spent today morning watching one of the many that call themselves YouTubers talking about how he’d given up opportunities to do really cool projects because he felt he looked fat. I can’t explain how terrible I felt to hear him talk about his insecurity with his weight issues so openly because all his regular videos are usually taking on a more sarcastic side of his being fat and gross and un-funny. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. He said he’d lost his sense of security when he wasn’t controlling the camera because he’d be called fat for being reasonably healthy and that gave him extreme anxiety- but nearly every other video of his is him being all jovial and confident about those very topics and roasting himself in front of his fans. Worse still, in any metric of “success”, he seems like a perfect candidate- he has 2 published books, millions of viewers, short films and a successful podcast. I felt personally very, very sorry for him because this seemed very out of character for him but then I realized the confidence could be a part of his personal YouTube persona and it wasn’t really all him and the anxious, scared and insecure part was a lot of him off screen and that cost me some time wondering how much of our identities are made up and how much of it was dictated by our insecurities. I don’t know your answer to this, I’m not you and neither am I on Facebook or Instagram or any other photo sharing apps because of my insecurity based on how I look. I don’t need to go through the judgement and self deprecation I might face on seeing ugly (read all) pictures of myself on the interweb.

I have insecurities, admittedly.

I wonder why though? Read more

The Fallacy In Success

 

 

So I remember how all through high school we’d be forced to write short essays on Success and the factors affecting people’s success stories and I don’t believe how silly, almost just paraphrased all our write-ups would be (because that was what was expected of us then- a simple sense of correct grammar with a smattering of vocabulary was enough to fetch you the mark you thought you deserved, regardless of if the essay was plagiarised or not). All my reservations regarding the education system aside, there’s a huge issue I find in the problem of analyzing success and glorifying the mother of all abstract concepts- there can never be one single statutory definition of success and that in itself disqualifies the right of failure being such an issue in our lives. All our lives we do things we’re assuredly good at or are meant to be good at so we can avoid failure but doesn’t  failure just become moot when there is a big logical gap in what success is and hence, what you consider as failure?

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On My Need To Disconnect

 

 

I couldn’t bring myself to do this, but I know I must. There’s a fine line between using technology and being dependent on it (I know because I’m studying technology (apparently) and there’s no question of confusion in that respect because I specifically use technology to get me a degree) and I crossed that fine line so many times it’s a Robin Thicke song now (Blurred Lines, icymi (in case you missed it, icymi)).

I know it’s ironic that I’m talking about disconnection on a wired platform but, well, I’m writing this for myself and I have no readership, so what the hell. Recently, well, more recently than ever, I’ve been so glued to my devices that I can’t imagine my day without them. The first thing I do in the morning, after untangling myself from a slew of wires, is check my phone because that’s something that demands my attention more than, maybe the simple fact of being alive does each morning.

My high key addiction to technology, I do accept. The first step to recovery is, after all, accepting that there’s a problem right? (I’m not even sure if that’s legitimate).

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The Cruelty In Comfort

This article I have honestly tried to write 6 times before and kept scrapping it on account of how badly I was explaining myself.
By the 3rd attempt I tried questioning the validity of my stance itself.
Due to lack of a better platform and time, I’m going to try and reassure myself why I think comfort is the single most abused concept today and why I wanted everyone to know it here.
So we all do something in life, right? Whether or not we know what we’re doing, we’ve been told why by society ages ago, when we were set on the path of formal education. To get a job that provides us with the means to live comfortably.
Now, I do not question the relationship between living comfortably and wealth, nor entirely the relationship between a job and wealth, but I question deeply what living in comfort really is. REALLY.

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The Case For Being Alone

Lonely Vs Alone:

Is there a difference in being lonely and alone?
In my experience, yes. Yes, there is. And it’s one heck of a difference.
Being alone is like finding a cute dress that could potentially not match with a new shoe you have at home, but wearing them anyway because the dress is cute AF.
Being lonely is purposely buying an ill fitting, awfully patterned dress to go with that shoe you have which you never should’ve bought in the first place.
 
Being alone is like the feeling of being in a roomful of people that know each other, you being the only stranger but partaking in the fun like you belong.
Being lonely, is that belittled feeling, that sense of insecurity that creeps in when you realise everyone’s acquainted with each other and feeling injured and a misfit so not bothering to mingle.
There’s so much difference, in my experience, that I need to tell you not to fear being alone.
                  landscape-man-person-night
Alone is my natural state of being. I don’t regret it.
Alone is a weird comfort- there’s nothing stopping you from interaction, it’s just as matter of choice that you refrain.
Alone is powerful. It’s a perch wherein you can observe freely, without external biases. Drama becomes deeply entertaining when you’re alone.
Alone is the tool I use to get away with all my weirdness, where I don’t have to think of who’s watching and who thinks what of me.
Alone, to me, is my personal saviour from the infinite chatter that the world is so good at producing but not escaping.
If being alone, however, leads to the hellhole called loneliness, then please up and run, ’cause you don’t want nothing to do with loneliness.
Loneliness is an embittering feeling.
It’s second to none at making you feeling crap about yourself.
It’s a one stop shop to zero self esteem and awkwardness in social situations and eventually losing your confidence and leading to a self effacing, vicious thought cycle rife  with pettiness, jealousy.
Doesn’t sound good, does it?
Spoiler alert- it isn’t.
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