I’ve grown to like making one for everything and now it’s a strange habit that eases my life out in many ways but I cannot imagine why it attracts my fancy so much, given that I’m a very disorganized and confused person inherently.

I’m neither neat nor very good at planning but now my life is all about making to do lists and jotting literally anything down in a bullet journal.

I have this very strange habit of writing down all sorts of tasks in my lists- from tidying my desk, making my bed to getting an amazing grade point on the same list usually and just checking off the easy tasks in a day gives me so much energy and validation that I can really imagine doing all sorts of tougher, out of reach tasks too. It’s working out well for me but there’s got to be some sort of limit as to how much these lists have become my life. From casually referring to the to dos of the day to living by my planner (except it’s a cheap diary because someone pointed out to me that spending a thousand bucks on a planner was sheer madness and I realized I was slowly but surely going down a slippery slope), there’s a little thing called spontaneity that seems to have edged out of my life because I didn’t list it out as something I wanted my life to be about and that’s okay because I’m looking for order and discipline.

The reason I bring this list-making up here even is that my life is so much more free after making a list I’ve gotta get done that the irony of the situation baffles me considerably. I have an entry in every list that’s about writing something and that may seem a bit extreme because it’s supposed to be a relaxing, creative process which requires me to be in a certain mindset or mood to produce the best results (I agree to all these suppositions, too). However, I can see myself wanting to write more the more I make it a priority and putting it onto my list does. It helps me streamline my efforts that go into writing and this is a huge advantage of my having a list.

Every day.

I’d be full of ideas and story plots and timelines for every new idea I’d get but never be in the mood to put it down into a piece of paper because it just seemed safe- perfect in its creation, no questions raised about execution- that I’ve never written something I’m truly excited about in a very long time. I always look for the right time and often end up losing all my intensity and faith in the idea the more I keep postponing the idea even.

It’s the simple task of moving my tasks for the day out of control of my mind’s control, eliminating the possibility of my forgetting to do what I most need to conveniently, that keeps me reaching for my pen and cheap diary day after day. (I’m literally off to check a box off after I finish typing this and that gives me so much more confidence-I’m embarrassed at my deep rooted nerdiness.)

I’m not advocating the use of a diary/planner- it’s a habit you shouldn’t have to cultivate if you’re lucky- it’s a significant pressure mechanism to get things done in a day you wouldn’t normally want to do and that’s where the problem does lie. How many things do you have to do every day that you absolutely don’t want to? What are the things you sometimes really want to do that you never get around to doing? Why not?

I’d suggest using lists then.  

How good is your life then, really, if there’s so very many things you’d rather not do?

I’m not ready to answer these questions myself, it calls for me to determine what I want from life and assessing mine in a deep rooted manner I can’t stick to doing- I’d better put it on a list for the future. In the meanwhile, I’m off to mark a tick box.

 

(This is probably wholly unrelatable to all of you that even read this but then again, who asked you to? Oh, yeah, I probably did. Thank you.)

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