I couldn’t bring myself to do this, but I know I must. There’s a fine line between using technology and being dependent on it (I know because I’m studying technology (apparently) and there’s no question of confusion in that respect because I specifically use technology to get me a degree) and I crossed that fine line so many times it’s a Robin Thicke song now (Blurred Lines, icymi (in case you missed it, icymi)).

I know it’s ironic that I’m talking about disconnection on a wired platform but, well, I’m writing this for myself and I have no readership, so what the hell. Recently, well, more recently than ever, I’ve been so glued to my devices that I can’t imagine my day without them. The first thing I do in the morning, after untangling myself from a slew of wires, is check my phone because that’s something that demands my attention more than, maybe the simple fact of being alive does each morning.

My high key addiction to technology, I do accept. The first step to recovery is, after all, accepting that there’s a problem right? (I’m not even sure if that’s legitimate).

My symptoms of this disease override just my overlooking the signs of life each day.I end up checking messages approximately 200 times a day. No kidding, and I’m not even that social a person that I get very many messages in a day (even though in my head, I probably do but don’t have the guts to see those conversations come to life for the simplest reasons of doubt and insecurity).Even within my addiction I know that’s a crazy number.

(I had to turn off my notifications or I’d propel myself to my phone whenever it pinged and God alone knows how much I’ve sworn if it was an awful, derivative joke in a chat where everyone goes LOL and smiley faces for a day afterwards. It’s safe to say I have little respect for group chats like that because they used to get me to get up a surplus 200 times.

Now, although I turned all of the notifications off, like muted them all, I’m still 200 checks a day. I move the icon for the message apps around so I don’t get too accustomed to the action of pulling them up every time I unlock my phone because muscle memory builds really damn fast. Don’t ask me how I know.)

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Setting aside the severe FOMO I probably suffer that leads to this addiction, I can’t ignore how much I depend on technology to save my staggeringly void social life and look cool by reading stuff, sharing memes, whatever, in the process of which I’ve given up most of human interaction, reading actual literature and spending time outside the realms of the WiFi I feel entitled to and that, in my moments of lucidity from this false built up mechanism I define as my social obligations.

So WHY disconnect:

 because I’m deeply entrenched in my own word and need escaping to really open myself up to newer possibilities.

HOW is a more complex and non intuitive answer-  setting myself with actual, complex enough goals in life so I wouldn’t be so drawn to my inner message-hungry beast could be a solution (but who has the commitment for that?).

A simpler solution would just be deleting the apps and doing myself a favour but that would literally mean social suicide.

The best solution I can come up with has to do with stopping myself from impulsive texting myself. If I could convince myself every message I’d ever send was a load of tosh and worthless at its very core (and I trust myself enough to do that),I’d stop sending any messages that weren’t absolutely relevant and thus stop my influx of messages too! Thus with sufficient disappointments of opening totally exhausted message chains, I’d give it up by myself because I’m no masochist (as far as I’m aware).

Wish me luck or leave a reply if you want to bet on the odds of this solution actually working..

 

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